How It's Supposed to Be
by ilovemythoroughbred
Summary: Extended version of the Thanksgiving phone call between Kurt and Blaine. The two attempt to mend their differences and discuss what happened. One shot.


"You know what the worst thing is, Blaine?" Kurt's voice was shaky, at the brink of tears even. "Do you know what the worst thing, the absolute worst thing of all— all of this?"

"What?" Blaine pleaded from the other end. He was far past the brink of tears, far past maintaing any shreds of dignity. "What's the worst thing?"

Kurt adjusted the phone on his shoulder, taking his free hand to pat (never rub, bad for his skin) the tears from his eyes.

"Please tell me, Kurt, please tell me," Blaine continued, words growing less and less word-like and more and more sob-like.

"When— when we met, you were everything I wanted to be. You were the out and proud, stylish, confident, talented, intelligent, _sexy _man I wanted to be. You were this all mighty, powerful, beautiful god-like person. And before we even started dating, I felt like I never had a chance. There's nothing in me to make you notice me, to even see me. There's nothing like you, in me. And then, I felt like I always had to catch up with you. I always was always behind, standing in the background. But, I was okay with that. That's how it was. You were the bright, gleaming star and I was the moon in the background. You were always so much bigger than me. And now—"

"Tell me, Kurt, please," Blaine sobbed. "Please, Kurt, please. You could've told me, I would've changed in a second, I would've done anything…"

"It's not about that. It's— it's that now, _you're_ begging me for forgiveness. _You're_ the one who did something wrong, you're the sinner. You've always been so perfect and beautiful and completely perfect and now, and now— you've done something wrong. It should be me pleading you for forgiveness. I should be at your doorstep pleading and crying and sobbing. You were never supposed to cry for me, Blaine. You were never supposed to shed tears for me. It's supposed to be the other way around."

"What do you want me to do? I did something wrong," the defensive tone in Blaine's voice fell as another sob rippled through his body. "I did something wrong, Kurt. I'm begging you to forgive me, I'm pleading you. I did something so stupid and dumb and I know I can't take it away and that kills me, it kills me, Kurt. I did something wrong and you've done things wrong and we're both going to do things wrong. And I regret what I did so much, I regret it so, so much."

"But, you still did it, Blaine. You still hurt me and you knew that it would hurt me and you still did it. Why would you do that? Why would you do something you knew that hurt me? You were perfect, Blaine, you were absolutely perfect. And now you're on your knees, begging for forgiveness. This isn't how it's supposed to be!"

"What do you want me to _do_, Kurt?! I can't go change the universe! It doesn't work like that! I fucked up, I fucked up, okay? I messed up, Kurt. And I hurt you and I know I hurt you, I know that, I know that, I know that! I know that!"

Kurt pulled the phone from his ear and clenched his eyes shut.

Blaine continued. "And you know that I am so, so sorry. You know that, Kurt! You know that I love you! I'm not perfect, I'm far from it! I'm a goddamn mess and now that you're gone, I'm even worse. I'm not perfect, but you loved me enough to think I was. I loved _you_ enough to think you were. I love you enough to know you are that perfect, I know that you are!"

"I'm not doing this," Kurt sniffled. "I'm not doing this. This isn't how it's supposed to be. This isn't how it's supposed to happen."

"Kurt, wait—"

"This isn't how it's supposed to happen. You're not supposed to do anything wrong. You were perfect, Blaine, you were perfect."

"I'm just glad you know that I'm not anymore, Kurt. I did something wrong and I hurt you and you know that I'm not perfect. And I'm still begging you to forgive me. This _is_ how it happened, this _is _what I did. And I'm sorry a million times over, and you know that. I can't undo anything, I can only ask that you forgive me. I can only remind you that this _is_ what happened and I'm so sorry this is how it's happened."

"I'm not doing this," Kurt repeated.

"Kurt—" Blaine pleaded, stronger then ever.

He was too late.


End file.
